I think I am writing this because it bothers me.
The friendship between my best friend and I was good all along until his confession. You see, I only see him as a companion. Yes, we talked about feelings, problems, work stress, family, and even silly things. But I don't see him as anyone more than just a companion.
Why not? There are several reasons to that. I have stated the first one above. I always rant to him and share him any thing and we chat like almost every day. I don't do that to other friends because I find it easier to talk to him and he had always been there since university days. He would give advises regardless if I asked or not, and he would ask for my opinions on things too. We trust each other, yes. Trust is not a word I usually use these days because I have had issues with it lol. So with him being a person I can trust, I don't want to lose this person. I only have one best friend.
I also find it hard to fall for anyone for as long as I can remember. Infatuation, yes sometimes; crush, maybe; fall in love, what the heck is that? If only falling for people is easy. Well I wish it's easy and I wish the person I fall for can teach me how to love again. Since my last relationshit and almost relationshit, I feel as if my heart and the feelings in it died. I can't seem to like anyone crazily like those days.
There are also personal reasons which I cannot disclose. But with the third party in the friendship i.e. his feelings, I just cannot see him the same anymore. What a shame. In fact, when he confessed, I got freaked out. Although I responded that we'd still be best friends, but seems like I am failing to do it. I have no idea how to chat with him like before. I tried to ignore that fact that he confessed, but it only bothers me more. I believe I'm not the only person who feels this way when this happens.
I seek for Jo's assistance and he helped me get through with my best friend. By now, I cannot call him that anymore. We both created holes in the friendship. I don't really know how to fix the friendship either. But I'm losing him, and at the same time I want him to lose me as well. I want him to find a new best friend to replace me. That's honestly what I feel since then.
This is probably you when you read this post:
This post is personal. Readers are welcomed to leave comment(s).