Saturday, 22 February 2014

Saturday Night Confession

Okay, so here I go.

When I was in primary school, I wanted to be a teacher when I grow up. The influential figure was my homeroom teacher, who taught me Science. I was fascinated by her because she was full of dedication when teaching us. I adored her effort in educating us.

But, my ambition to be a teacher vanished as my primary school English teacher taught me. She was unfair towards the students from the first class and second class. She also discriminated students based on their family wealth and looks. It was awful. I hated her. And I told myself I never want to be a teacher.

Yes, I did not want to be a teacher. While in secondary school, well especially during the transition to becoming a teenager and hitting puberty and stuffs, I did not like the teachers, too. I thought the idea of following the school rules 100% was ridiculous. Nevertheless, I never broke any, except for one when I was in Form 5.

After completing my secondary education, I applied for courses and stuffs for my tertiary education because I did not want to enter Form 6. In fact, I never wanted to step into any school anymore. I was more than happy to stop being a student. Right. Then, my mother and my aunt encouraged me to apply and enroll myself in the field of teaching. I was so reluctant to do so. Despite my dislike for the school and teachers, I applied anyway. I also applied for journalism, mass communication, graphic design and comic illustration courses. Unfortunately, I never get any replies from any of the tertiary education centres. So I had to attend Form 6. Well, it was not that bad. And on one day, I received a reply from one of those tertiary education centres. Well it was the one and only, which is from the field of teaching. I was summoned to sit for an interview and of course, I sat for it.

A few weeks later, I received a text message from an unknown source. I was informed that I had been shortlisted and I had passed the interview, that I must report myself on the registration day. I was happy to once again leave school despite knowing that I will be a teacher in the future. It was ironic that I disliked the teachers and school yet I was condemned to be a teacher in a secondary school in the future.

It all began in 2009 when I reported myself and now, 2014, is my final year. It did not mean anything special to me except knowing that I am a final year student and I will be graduating at the end of this year. Right now, I am in the midst of my practicum phase. I was worry because I know I will not make a good teacher. I know because I never liked to be who I am supposed to be in future. I never liked teacher, I never liked myself being one. I do not like that idea.

During my first week of practicum, my perception changed. I have to admit that the teaching was not really bad. I love the students. They are cute and obedient. They ask questions and they want to understand English although they do not like the subject. I love to see them trying for themselves, for their future. Even when I was having a bad day, they made me laugh. Somewhere in the second week, I realized that I enjoy teaching. Maybe teaching is not bad after all. I hope the vibes remain in me. And there is more to what I realized. There was other thing;

I never wanted to be a teacher until I began teaching the students.


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