Have you all ever feel like the society gives you pressure? Sometimes I feel like I have to live up to a certain level of expectation that the society gives me. Because when you fail to do so, society judges you and alienates you, and eventually grows stereotype on you and discriminates you from them *gosh..so many 'and'* Even sometimes, you have to act to be welcomed and liked by everyone. So, what if it wasn't your way of living? Kaklong from my class told me one or two weeks ago, "People say 'Be Yourself' all the time, but when we do, no one likes us. In fact, we have to fake ourselves up and lastly we end up not being ourselves". It is very true, don't you think so?
As some of you know, I am not Chinese-educated, I cannot read, or write in Chinese, and I cannot understand Chinese with deep meaning *Proficiency: Beginner*. I always depend on one or two things to make people believe that I once attended a Chinese school, so that I can and will be a part of the Chinese people. And lately, I have been mixing a lot around with many Chinese. We quite often meet up and have discussion about things. So last weekend, when we had a discussion (4-5 in a group), I kind of failed in participating in it, and they wanted me to present the answers (which were written in Chinese, obviously), I refused and then confessed that I cannot read Chinese. I feel bad, somehow.
It keeps me wondering whether or not will I ever be able to join in the discussion without any difficulties in the future. Well, maybe the people never does show any isolation or anything towards me, but I feel like I have to, or must, be able to read, write and understand Chinese well like them. Someone says I over-think about this. Well, maybe it is true and I never notice this. But it is still undeniable that some people out there, judge you on what you are not to them, and label you. And there goes your image or reputation, being broken and swept away. :'(